Dear Judy,
My father, who has lung cancer, is getting regular phone calls from his mistress. My father lives with his wife, my mother. I always knew in a way that something was going on in my father’s life, but never wanted to know (or ask) details.
Now it’s in our face. The woman calls at least once daily. I know because I visit constantly and every time I’m there, there’s a call and then the hospice volunteer or visiting nurse (who sometimes answer the phone with my father’s permission), hand the phone to me, and then the person hangs up when she hears my voice. If I ask the volunteer who it was, she always replies “A woman who wouldn’t give her name.”
How can I get this person to stop calling? What if my mother answers the phone?
Ricki
Dear Ricki,
The lives of healthy people can be messy. And when they fall seriously ill, the lives of their relatives get even messier, as you’ve discovered.
I can’t tell from what you write whether or not you know the name of your father’s girlfriend. But you certainly can discover her phone number (get your father a phone that lists the caller’s number, if he doesn’t have one already).
Since you are worried about your mother’s feelings, by all means phone the “silent” caller when you’re alone, and explain the situation (politely). Tell her you will give her occasional updates on your father’s condition.
I realize this is putting an enormously unwelcome task on you at a time when you can least bear it, but I think it will solve the matter, and spare your mother’s feelings.
Thanks for writing
Judy
