Dear Judy,
I read last month your reply to a driver who’d accidentally killed a pedestrian. My good friend is in the same situation, except maybe worse.
It really wasn’t his fault, Judy, although he had been drinking that night, a little. (A glass of wine). Some teenager who shouldn’t have been out that late at night anyway, ran across the road, and when my friend slammed on the brakes he hit the kid anyway. Luckily there were other people who saw the accident, and they stuck up for my friend.
Now my friend won’t drive. Ever. This is a disaster since he needs to drive to work — and at work so he can check on clients. So already his employer has told him to find another job. He has a family and 2 kids, both very young.
How do I get him to get on with his life and start driving again. It’s like he’s spooked.
Ken
Dear Ken,
I don’t think, from what you’ve written, that you’re the guy who can un-spook your friend and get him driving again.
It sounds to me like your friend needs therapy, and plenty of it. Eye-witnesses might have kept him out of jail, but they can’t erase the guilt. Only a lot of talk and a lot of help can do that.
So, once again, I’ll suggest the usual. Call your friends. Find out if any of them has a really good therapist who might help. It’s always best I think to get someone other people you trust have gone to.
Then — drive your friend to at least the first dozen therapy sessions. It’s the best gift you can give him, and the best way for him to reclaim his life.
Thank you for writing
Judy
Ken’s friend seems to be complete traumatized. Maybe his insurance covers this condition?
Here you go again, Judy, giving advice on skimpy information. Do you know when the accident happened? Maybe it’s only been a few weeks? That is quite different than a few months, isn’t it? Maybe he is on the way to recovery, and just needs to be left alone for a while longer, and nagging him will be counterproductive?
Do we really need more neurotic guilt ridden drivers, with or without just one glass of wine in them, on our roads?
Tell me why some friends or relatives can’t fill in the gap and drive Ken’s friend to work, or even elsewhere? That could keep him working for months. My guess is that being in a car with people he trusts will help him regain his confidence. Also, his guilt about disrupting their lives will goad him to get back behind the wheel.
The boss sounds like he was looking for an excuse to get rid of an employee he no longer wanted for whatever reason. I guess the job is a goner anyway.
His wife couldn’t drive him to work? Has he mentally faced the job-loss implications to his family in this terrible job market? In other words, are there greater fears that could overcome his decision not to drive? Courage isn’t doing the heroic; it is overcoming one’s fears for a better purpose..