Dear Judy,
The husband of a friend died 3 months ago of a sudden heart attack (his second at age 51), and of course I wrote her a lovely condolence letter, because I like them both very much. In fact we play a lot of golf together.
Well, I never heard back from her, which was a surprise. She’s usually so polite and thoughtful, and it is the custom for the bereaved to thank friends for their kind thoughts and letters, isn’t it?
Should I say something? Maybe it never arrived? I see her from time to time at the club, and we talk but she never mentions my condolence letter.
Sylvia
Dear Sylvia,
Whenever you see your friend, tell her how much you’re thinking of her. Offer to take her to lunch or the movies. But under no circumstances should you suggest even implicitly that she’s committed some kind of faux pas by not acknowledging your letter.
Although funerals have a lot in common with weddings (both being occasions for rotten behavior on the part of many of the attendees), there is one major difference. Although brides and grooms are expected to thank their guests for any gifts or thoughtful acts, the bereaved are under no such obligations.
Guess why?
That’s right. They do have other things on their minds.
Thank you for writing
Judy
