Dear Judy,
My sister who is just 29 has breast cancer, and her oncologist is recommending not just chemo, but also that her healthy breast be removed. He says the type of cancer she has is very aggressive, and she will likely die of breast cancer if she doesn’t do as he says. (He says in fact that she might die anyway!)
We do not have a history of breast cancer in our family, and my sister is pretty young to be going through all these horrors. She has a kind of sweet temperament, very docile, and she says she’s going to follow the Great Doctor’s advice no matter what.
I say she should get a second opinion from another oncologist before undergoing a double mastectomy. She says it would only hurt her doctor’s feelings.
What do you think?
Karen
Dear Karen,
I think that only second-rate doctors have their feelings hurt by second opinions. Especially when the issue is as important and critical as the one you describe.
Tell your sister that a few days to consult with another specialist might be more important to her, her health and longevity than anything else she will ever do.
That should start her thinking straight. Right now she is in a state of crisis, and very confused. She is desperate for somebody — anybody — to save her, and that means she’s willing to ascribe miraculous powers to the first doctor she consults. It’s your job to keep her calm, rational, and thoughtful about her health choices, and to prod her into making good decisions.
A second opinion from another oncologist will be a fine start in that direction.
Thank you for writing
Judy
A person can drive herself crazy asking for an increasing number of opinions. Obviously, you can’t just take the advice of any random doctor, but you find one who is trustworthy, just go with it.
Karen should take the documents herself to another doctor. No need to bring the sister. If he agrees, that settles it, no? If he has another opinion, then Karen can tell her sister and she will no doubt reconsider.
Where do doctors get the audacity to make suggestions like that, without insisting that she gets a second opinion? Or advising her to talk to a shrink about the mental implications of such surgery? Is this doc really a doctor — or a butcher? Disgusting! I wish, Judy, you could publish names of “doctors to avoid”.
There are so many ways of treating illnesses, how can any single doctor be so categorical?