Dear Judy,
When her boyfriend broke up with her, a young girl — 17 — committed suicide. She is (was) the daughter of a longtime friend. And to put it candidly, my friend was a so-so mother. Always criticizing the girl, never praising her, telling her she was “fat” or that her grades weren’t up to par. Like that.
So I really think my friend’s attitude contributed to that poor girl’s suicide. My friend talks about it a lot, obviously, keeps pinning the tragedy on the boy who broke off with her daughter. And keeps saying she was always “a good mother.”
What should I say? If anything?
Lidia
Dear Lidia,
You should say nothing at all. Just hold your friend’s hand and nod in sympathy.
Thank you for writing
Judy
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Suicide is a copycat disaster. In a way, it’s catching, especially within families. If this woman has other children whose lives she’s ruining, someone should and must speak to her before it is too late.
The last thing a grieving mother needs is preaching. Support her to the best of your ability or let her be.
Is anyone thinking of the former boyfriend? A girl commits suicide after he breaks up with her: how is he coping with his guilt? is he able to devlop new relationships? Should he even think about doing so? Maybe he’s a s—
Does Lidia’s friend have a husband? Did she? Is he dead? Are they seperated? Where does he live? How is he responding to the situation? Are they facing this together or is each struggling alone? Does he blame the mother? While Lidia should be supportive, she should also judge her steps based on some of the above.
You can’t tell from the Email whether Lidia has other children. But if she does, then in a careful fashion as a friend, Lidia ought to guide her friend in how to be supportive of the surviving kids.