Dear Judy,
My sister called me at 10 PM on Thursday because her husband’s death rattle had started. I spend 6 agonizing hours with them. He was making the most horrific loud groan. It sounded like a wounded bull struggling to get out of quicksand.
My sister kept screaming and crying because she thought he was in pain (was he?). She begged the hospice personnel to give him something to make it stop. Unfortunately they had nothing available. Finally after 3 hours, they sent something over. Is this the way hospice care is supposed to operate?
Once the medication arrived and my brother-in-law was injected, everything eased up. This is the hardest thing I ever had to go through!
What next?
Lorraine
Dear Lorraine,
I am so sorry you and your sister are going through such an awful time. You are right about the hospice: they knew your brother-in-law was in pain, and they certainly should have been prepared with the approopriate pain-killers and sedatives.
What you heard, I’m afraid, was not a death rattle. It doesn’t sound like a wounded bull. But as long as your brother-in-law keeps getting strong pain-killers you likely won’t hear that sound again.
I want you to concentrate now not on what happened, which can’t be altered, but on you and your sister. You are both alive. You both need R & R. When a hospice volunteer stops by or a close friend, perhaps you can take your sister out for a meal, or a movie (or both).
Think of what helps you both relax: hot bath? Scented candles? Then try to take some time for yourselves.
Thank you for writing
Judy
