Dear Judy,
I’m pretty sure you won’t be able to help out, but here goes: A very good friend in our group lost a brother during 9/11. It was tragic and we all stood by her during that awful time and well after.
The problem is now that the years have passed she’s become a terrorism expert. Nothing in the world happens without her telling us how the tragedy could have been avoided, who to call in the event of disaster, what kind of Humvee or flak jacket, helmet or vest to wear to avert instant death, who made the explosive device and who planted it.
I’m not kidding. It drives the rest of us crazy. And of course we don’t dare tell her to shut up because of her own history. Any advice?
Lonnie
Dear Lonnie,
Yes I know. Tragedy doesn’t always ennoble the bereaved, does it? It often makes them really obnoxious.
Since this woman is, as you put it, a very good friend, my advice has to be as temperate as your response to her remarks. Once she gets going on her new area of “expertise,” see if you or anyone in the group can quickly change the subject. “Oh flak jackets! That reminds me: there’s a sale on ladies’ winter jackets at…” might be worth a try.
Or “Speaking of explosive: did you hear who’s getting a divorce?”
Anyway, good luck.
And thanks for writing
Judy
My cousin has become an expert on car accidents after losing her fiance. She constantly emails articles on road safety as well as her own thoughts, and then she asks if we read it and what do we think? Changing the subject does not work, she keeps at it. HELP!!!!
Plenty ignorant people out there talking about stuff they know nothing about, at least this person has a reason.