Dear Judy,
My friend is dying of pancreatic cancer. It has been 10 months since her diagnosis. In all likelihood I will be with her when she dies in palliative care at the hospital.
What will physically occur after she breathes her last breath? I truly want and need to prepare myself before.
Sarah
Dear Sarah,
We live in a culture that has lately sanitized and medicalized death, keeping it carefully apart from the living, so it’s only natural you would ask. In other words, I think you’re very brave and intelligent to ask the important question that was on your mind.
Death, to put your mind at ease, is generally not a very dramatic moment. Breathing may be faster and shallower than usual (or, if the patient has had morphine, it might be slower). There will also be gaps between breaths, but this too is no cause for alarm.
You will very likely also hear a gurgling sound, which is caused by a thin layer of fluid in the vocal chords. It is, I’m afraid, a bad noise (known as a “death rattle”) and very disconcerting. But now that you know, you can at least be prepared.
At death the jaw of your friend will likely be slack and slightly open. Medical professionals are used to all of this. They also know that friends of the dead need some moments to say good bye. So don’t feel that you have to rush out of the room after your friend dies.
Thank you for writing
Judy
