Dear Judy,
Our father, a drunk, a coke addict, and a womanizer, wants to come to our mother’s funeral. They were divorced for over a decade. We don’t want him around, not at our house, not at the graveside, not in church.
How do we make this clear to him? Or do we have to include him? (yuk..)
Frankie
Dear Frankie,
Funerals are almost as bad as weddings when it comes to awful behavior, embarrassing requests, and unfortunate guests. But unlike weddings you don’t get to send out invitations to select friends and relatives.
Here’s a thought though: how about planning the funeral for a day on which your father can’t make it? Or plan it, and don’t tell your father when or where the ceremony will take place? And tell your good friends to keep quiet about the details as well.
In other words, just because your father may want to come, doesn’t mean you have to invite him. And it doesn’t mean you have to explain your feelings about excluding him, either.
Thank you for writing
Judy
