Dear Judy,
This will seem like a very weird question. My brother died last June of esophogeal cancer. We all were very upset, but at least we knew it was coming (my brother too), so it wasn’t a surprise.
The problem is my sister-in-law who has kept his announcement on her voice mail. Every time I phone either her or my niece, and they aren’t at home, I get my brother’s very rusty voice on the other end, telling me to “leave your name and I promise we’ll call you back right away!”
Well Judy, I don’t mean to belabor the obvious. But my brother isn’t going to call me back. Ever. It was spooky enough to hear his afflicted voice in a recording while he was alive. It’s even worse now that he’s dead to have to listen to his promise of instant response time. And also extremely painful.
My girlfriend tells me I should have a talk with my sister-in-law and tell her to wipe my brother’s voice off the tape. Should I? Or do I have to continue to suffer in silence?
Anton
Dear Anton,
I am really sorry about your brother’s death. And just as sorry that I don’t have an easy, pat answer for your problem. Frankly, it’s too soon to have a talk with your sister-in-law about her voice mail with your brother’s recording on it.
It is also a recording, as it happens, that belongs to your sister — and it is hers to do with as she wishes. Perhaps she derives some comfort from keeping that remnant of her husband on tape.
I realize it’s heartbreaking for you to listen to the voice of your dead brother, merrily promising a quick response to your call. And no, you don’t have to suffer in silence forever. Wait another couple of months. Then tell your sister-in-law what you told me: that you find listening to his voice extremely painful.
Don’t be belligerent. Just state it as fact. She may respond to your distress by erasing the tape. Or she may not.
Either way, it’s her call.
Thank you for writing,
Judy
