Dear Judy,
When our widowed mother remarried, it was to a guy who never had kids. Our mother always told us to treat our stepfather like a real father. When she knew she was dying, she kept saying, “Take care of your stepfather…Make sure he’s eating right…Visit him often..”
Well my sister and I did all that. We even call him “Dad.”
We take him to doctors’ appointments. We invite him to dinners, our own children’s birthday parties, holiday get-togethers, etc. When my sister’s youngest was confirmed, he was there celebrating.
We just found out — actually he told us — that he’s leaving almost everything he owns to some niece when he dies. We’ve never even seen this niece! She has never taken him to doctors appointments or invited him anywhere!
We were so stunned we said nothing when he made this announcement. But shouldn’t we speak up? My sister says No. I said I would ask you.
Jeannie
Dear Jeannie,
Your sister has the right instincts. Here’s why:
Your stepfather has taken the fairly courageous step, despite your closeness, of telling you that you won’t inherit — or won’t inherit much — from his estate. I have no idea why. Maybe he feels his niece is financially needy; maybe he feels blood ties are stronger than any other connection.
But whatever the reason, he’s made his wishes known well before his death, bluntly and to your face. You may take this in whatever way you want. You may continue the close relationship, or not.
But remember this: your late mother asked you to look after her husband — for her sake. So she could die in peace. You made that promise — and never made it contingent on an inheritance.
So in my book, you should stick to it.
Thank you for writing,
Judy
