Dear Judy,
First, of all thank you for this very much needed service. I just wish I’d had the opportunity to access good advice during the periods of my life when I lost loved ones. Nevertheless, I am glad to have somewhere to turn now for ideas on how to deal with my own end of life.
I am a 61-year-old woman, widowed with no children or relatives. At present, I am in good health and continue to work, out of financial necessity, unfortunately. I am not at all religious and attend no church. I have friends, most of whom are my age or a bit older. On weekends I enjoy reading and walking my dogs, or resting up for the coming work week. I don’t feel exactly lonely but I am acutely aware that my circle of support is sparse.
I do have a family history of breast cancer, and every time I see the doctor, I wonder what I would do if I became sick — really sick — and needed a lot of care. And then, further along that train of thought, what will I do when I develop a terminal condition, be it illness or extreme old age?
I’ve never been a practical person, but lately I’m inclined to make plans. What do you suggest?
Eleanor
Dear Eleanor,
Thank you so much. I think I can help.
First I’d make sure my health insurance details are in order. Study the options of your particular plan carefully, and make sure it has what you want. Of course these days it won’t likely have everything you want. But study it anyway. Is the deductible too large? Does it include payments for nursing or hospice care, in the event you need either? Or disability insurance?
Disability insurance can be very pricey, especially at 61, but in the event you’re out of work because of illness for over 6 months, it might just be worth it.
Even with a family history of breast cancer, it’s by no means sure you’ll die of any terminal illness. But you’re wise to prepare for that eventuality, nonetheless. Check out local hospices while you’re healthy to see which ones are best. That means getting recommendations from friends or co-workers who know people who’ve had hospice care. It also means checking out the hospices yourself.
I’m sure you know most people get hospice care at home, so what I mean is: check out their nurses, doctors, social workers, administrators and their reputation for pain management.
And finally: please make sure you have a Living Will, or Advance Medical Directive as it’s also known. This document will spell out which end-of-life procedures (resuscitation, intubation, etc) you want, and which you don’t want. You don’t need an expensive lawyer to help you write this document: your doctor almost certainly has guideline samples you can fill out. Do so. And in this document, make sure to appoint a trusted friend, perhaps one a bit younger than you, to make those end-of-life decisions for you, in the event you become incapacitated.
And finally — make lots of copies of that Living Will. Take one or two with you to the hospital if you have to have any procedure more significant that a hangnail. There are lots of idiots out there in Medicineland, and you probably have to do all you can to prevent them from propping you up with pillows and playing Muzak if you fall into a persistant vegitative state.
Thank you for writing,
Judy
Find out if there is a retirement community near you, or a similar facility, where you can continue working. That will provide a professional support system for eventualities.
Well lady, when you were out there burning bras and making a career and being hoity toity with any man who did not meet your feminist ideal, you should have thought of your old age. I mean, who did you think would take care of you? Prince Charles? Tarzan? The fairy godmother?
Your suggestions are great, Judy. I would only add that Eleanor should look at long-term care insurance as well. This industry is changing and offering a lot more options then it did in the past. Particularly for someone in Eleanor’s situation, this might be particularly useful.
Nina
How TERRIBLY sad…