Dear Judy,
I’d say I have maybe half a year to live, maybe less (malignant glioma, just like Ted Kennedy’s), and I’m making all the usual preparations. But I am also sick with worry of the effect of my plans on my daughter who is now 19 and in college.
My husband and I always planned to be cremated (he’s a sworn atheist; I’m just not fussy about what happens to me after I’m dead). But our daughter is really upset with our last wishes — she recently embraced a faith which doesn’t approve of cremation.
Personally, I suspect her faith is part of her coping mechanism with my situation, and I’m concerned that if I ignore her wishes, everything will be that much harder for her when I’m gone. What do you suggest?
Barbara in New Jersey
Dear Barbara,
I think now is the time for you to save your strength and energy. Since your daughter and your husband both are aware of your last wishes, I wouldn’t hash it out any further. It will only lead, from what you tell me, to more family strife. And you don’t need that.
If there are matters you wish to discuss still with your daughter, and I’m sure there are, make certain these talks are somewhat scripted beforehand, couch your words in terms of affection – and stay off the subject of cremation.
For the rest: it is your life and your death. Do as you see fit. Your husband will carry out your wishes.
Thank you for writing
Judy
