I normally don’t write about surviving a bleak prognosis and proving the doctor a liar (too much false hope is a lot like too many recreational drugs or too much alcohol: all they’ll do is soften your brain, and then kill you).
But I couldn’t help being impressed by Evan Handler, an actor best known for playing the part of Harry Goldenblatt, Charlotte’s engaging lover (and then husband) on “Sex and the City.” In two of his books, “Time on Fire” and “It’s Only Temporary,” Handler, who had a virulent form of leukemia back in the late ’80’s, writes that being a rotten patient is what saved his life.
Among the actor’s bits of advice, applicable for those with and without a terminal diagnosis: If your doctor is hard to reach, callous, or in any way unavailable to you, then fire that doctor. If you suspect the nurses aren’t giving you the right medications or the right dosage, then question and re-question – everyone.
If a medication is causing a bad or allergic reaction, then complain about it — a lot. And if you’re too weak or too ill to complain yourself, then get a good friend, lover or relative to be your spokesman.
And finally: make sure that your final wishes, whatever they may be — a do-not-resuscitate order, say, or a desire to dispense with intubation if there’s no hope of survival — are included in a written document (a living will, in other words) which your friend or relative has available at all times.
The only hope of getting what you want out of medical personnel is to forget about being loved. Instead: be as demanding and if necessary, difficult and strident, as possible.
And if you can’t be, make sure that someone who is by your side can — and will – supply the fire power.
A while ago I read somewhere - it might have even been on thecheckoutline - that the difference between God and a doctor is that God does not think he is a doctor, while a doctor… Enough said.
A relative of mine was in the hospital receiving diuretics. His wife thought he looked very pale and wanted to call the doctor. He objected, saying that every professional should respect every other professional He was literally fading and unable to object when she ignored his instructions. Lucky for him!!
As things turned out, he was receiving too few liquids and was dehydrating under the watchful eye of the best medical professionals around! A tiny miscalculation, and he would have died. No one would have even known of the carelessness, it would have been attributed to his overall condition. NEVER assume doctors know everything, or that they cannot make mistakes. Trust your instincts and ask many questions. It is your life on the line.