I can’t resist. My friend Josh Slocum, the brilliant head of the consumer-friendly Funeral Consumers Alliance (www.funerals.com ), has written a wise and sensible blog on mapping out — or rather not mapping out — your own funeral. And I couldn’t resist borrowing it today. Here’s what Josh has to say:
“In my experience. those who say, ‘I don’t want anyone to cry — or do this or that — are really just trying to work out their own existential terror of death. But they’re putting their survivors into a straitjacket. Survivors want to honor the wishes of the dead..
“We should offer our survivors guidelines, not hard and fast demands. We should also ask them what they want and need. It strikes me as unattractively self-centered to treat one’s eventual funeral — or lack of one — as all about me-me-me.
“Reporters often ask me what I want since I’m such a well-known critic of conventional funeral practices. I tell them I want my family and friends to do what they need to do and can afford out of their own free will. I have only 2 rules: Please don’t embalm me, unless there’s no way around it — and don’t give a dime of my money (or yours) to SCI, Stewart Enterprises or any other similar funeral conglomerate.
“Oh! And please be sure there’s plenty of good food and booze to pass around and tell jokes at my expense. I won’t be there to contradict you.”
Amen, Josh. And I hope you don’t RIP for at least 100 years. The booze can wait. And the jokes keep coming anyway
Why is it that some people think that crying, mourning and sadness are improper at a funeral? and why do they seem to need jokes? Even some animals mourn their dead. I understand about not wasting money but what precisely is the point of expecting jokes? It is counterintuitive.
Intersting subject…cultural (and religious) influences often dictate proper funeral “decorum”. Humor is sometimes used by people to avoid what they may consider embarrasing public displays of emotion. I attend many services, and have seen from one end of the spectrum to the other. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, or mourn a loss.