How do you make certain your last wishes about how — and where– you want your funeral and burial to be conducted are implemented? How to make sure no one spends a fortune (or at least not more than you’ve planned) for the ceremony? And that everyone you love knows where you’ve stashed the cash to pay for it?
The answer to all these important questions, according to my good friend Josh Slocum head of the FCA (www.funerals.org ) is amazingly simple.
Do NOT, says Slocum, put your instructions in a safety deposit box in the bank. In the fuss and furor following your death, no one will think to look for them there.
Instead, print out the funeral and burial instructions with all the details. Then stick the print-out in a plastic baggie inside the freezer of your fridge.
And on the front of the fridge, pin a note to your heirs telling them to look inside the freezer for those instructions.
And by the way — don’t forget to do your comparison shopping for the last big event now. Get the right funeral director and the right funeral at the right price.
(And put the money for the ceremony in a special bank account. Don’t — ever — pre-pay! You might not live to regret it. But your heirs likely will)
Sometimes simple is also brilliant. Thanks Judy and thank you Josh.
I am totally amazed by Mr Slocum’s silly idea — and even more so, that you publicize it. Where do I begin? Small children are spooked by thoughts of death. Every child or grandchild who goes to the fridge to get a soda has a message flashing at him: hey! this person is preparing to die! The cleaning lady who might not read English, might remove the note from the fridge. Or, if she does read English, she could take a peek at what is in the freezer. As might any random guest. In which case that will and its contents won’t be much of a surprise, when read. In which case you may as well leave copies with your heirs. If you don’t want them to know what’s in it, just give your heirs a list of say 3 people (lawyer, priest, colleague) who might have a a copy. Am I right or am I right?
Vivian is ridiculous and mean. The idea may not suit everyone but for many, its perfect. You don’t like it? Don’t use it, but why put Judy and Josh down?
I think it depends on the situation. In hospice we often put resusitation info on the fridge. It is a common place for anyone to look who may be in the home. As the death is expected, we do not want to call 911 or initiate CPR if that is not what the patient / family wanted. Of course if the patient or family want CPR, or 911 called, we do that. The freezer idea may work well in some situations. Personally, I have instructed my sons where to look in my home.
I think everyone should follow Jeanne’s example.Whether your instructions are inside the freezer or elsewhere isn’t relevant.
Leave your instructions where they’re easily accessible. — and tell your relatives and friends where to find them
Oh Vivian, if the children in your life are so spooked by the idea of death, it might be because a certain auntie is so darned afraid of it herself she scares the bejabbers out of the kids instead of explaining it calmly to them. They’re not Faberge eggs, Viv. They won’t break if you’re candid with them. In fact, they’ll have a lot fewer hangups about an important time - what frightens us is the unknown.
Your idea to distribute these documents is excellent advice, advice I give out, too. Whether you put a copy of your plans in the fridge or not is your business. But really, have a relaxing cup of tea - you’re unnecessarily worked up over this.