Topping the list of professionals who never get the acclaim and admiration they deserve are hospice nurses. Jeanne Frye, whose nursing career has been devoted to caring for the terminally ill, was the first to point this out to me.
Unlike doctors, hospice nurses really get to know their patients. Not just the patient’s symptoms; not just the illness. But the patients themselves. Here is Jeanne’s eloquent recollection, which she emailed me, of one very special patient and the spouse who knew her better than anyone.
It is an anecdote so delicately drawn that I told Jeanne I wanted to share it with you, my readers:
“I had the pleasure of visiting an elderly woman who was being cared for by her husband of 63 years. She had end stage dementia and hadn’t eaten or drunk a thing for several days.
My first thought was — This lady is well loved! Her hair was combed, she had lipstick on, and her nails were painted. But she was glassy-eyed, her breathing was shallow, and she did seem close to death.
Seated next to her was her husband, who rubbed her upper arm. ‘Isn’t she the most beautiful girl you’ve ever seen?’ he asked me.
I have to tell you: it hit me like a club on the head. What he saw was his beautiful young wife. I replied, ‘She’s a very lucky girl.’
He looked at me intently; he had the deepest blue eyes. “You don’t get it, do you?” he said, shaking his head. “I’m the lucky one!”
And so this is one of the most important lessons I learned. Remember always that the family and loved ones may not see what we professionals see clinically. Look at the patient with their eyes.”
Don’t damn a whole profession (”unlike doctors…”) as not caring enough to get to know their patients so easily. I agree the hospice nurses I work with are wonderful and do a great job in personalizing care and really understanding their patients. Some of this ‘luxury’ of time may have to do with caseload and the demands of the system. At a hospice inpatient facility, the nurses may have 3-6 patients to care for over a 12 hours shift, while the physician has 12-20, the social worker 12-20, and the chaplain 12-20. With the time they get to spend at the bedside, the chances for small talk are much greater.
From my work in hospice as a medical director, I see the hospice nurses getting a lot of admiration from families and patients. Much more so then more traditional nursing positions (ICU, ER, clinic, hospital, or nursing home).
Thanks for the post! Great site/blog by the way.
I too have seen the love and devotion…sitting at the bedside wearing an admirer’s eye. It is these visions of a never waivering love that tells a story of the unseen years of love and compassion….it sounds like they were both very lucky.
Dr M