A reader writes in with a pretty common dilemma: her lawyer has told her to write a Will (smart lawyer!). That isn’t the dilemma, however. The reader is single, childless and 55 years old (meaning she should have written a Last Will long before this). She wants to do right by her two nieces whom she loves — and who reciprocate her affection.
Her problem? One of the nieces is very wealthy, living comfortably with a financially astute husband and three border collies in Silicon Valley. The other niece, also childless, made some major blunders in the real estate market and is hurting financially. “I do not want to insult the niece who is well-off by leaving her nothing,” writes this reader. “And I also don’t want the other, poorer niece to feel she’s a pathetic charity case by leaving her my entire estate. Any way to resolve this problem, Judy?”
Well, in the first place, I have yet to meet the heiress who felt “insulted” by being left a bundle. And in the second, I never believe in leaving absolutely nothing to someone who loves you, however wealthy that person may be. Money and possessions are, alas, just about the only methods the dead have at their disposal to demonstrate their love beyond the grave. But it is a very feeble and awkward way of communicating.
So talk. And I don’t mean just in a figurative, final way, when your Will is being read. Talk now to your heirs, while you’re still healthy enough to do it. Assuming they are reasonable adults, tell them who will inherit what — and above all why they will get, or not get, whatever you have to parcel out.
I think one of the most insulting — and injurious — events in a person’s life is being disinherited in the mute, sterile way our society prescribes. Or discovering, just after a relative is pronounced dead, that in life he was too cowardly to be truthful.
To the reader with two nieces, I’d advise this: discuss your Will with them both. Disinherit neither, but — if this is really your wish (and remember, a stroke of bad luck can impoverish even the most prosperous) — make the bequests unequal. Tell the wealthy niece why she will be getting the lesser bequest, and why. And be as candid with her lucky sister.
I’m not saying the wealthy niece will thank you for your honesty. And I’m not saying that at the end of your remarks, she’ll feel a lot better.
But you will. I guarantee it.
