• Advice

    Posted on November 24th, 2009

    Written by Judy

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    Elderly Inlaws, Family Mess –What Do I Do?

    Dear Judy,
    My mother-in-law has Alzheimer’s, but it’s her husband we’re worried about. He is 97 with congestive heart failure, and he faints occasionally and has also fallen.
    He can’t stand to show any weakness and gets extremely angry and insulted if you try to do anything to accommodate his disability. I’m afraid this is too much [...]

  • Advice

    Posted on August 7th, 2009

    Written by Judy

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    My Sister Has Taken Over Our Father’s Care!

    Dear Judy,
    Help! My father is dying — congestive heart failure and cancer. My sister, who is no doctor, but has had some medical training (she was thinking for a while of becoming a nurse) has taken over everything: his relationship with his doctors, his relationship with his family, his bills, his lawyers. You name it.
    I [...]

  • Advice

    Posted on April 15th, 2009

    Written by Judy

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    What Do I Do When DNR Is Ignored?

    Dear Judy,
     
    My father was not a believer in prolonging life, when life is really over. He had a Living Will. I — his daughter — was the agent of that Living Will. And he was pretty insistent that “Do Not Resuscitate” meant what it said: If his heart stopped, and at 80 he had a very [...]

  • Advice

    Posted on February 9th, 2009

    Written by admin

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    Our Father’s Casket

    Dear Judy,
    Our father is going fast — congestive heart failure, as well as an assortment of other issues, and he doesn’t have long. My sister is already planning the funeral (she’s like that: plans everything).
    She has, if you can believe this, picked out at our local funeral home a casket that costs $11,100. It’s supposed [...]

  • Advice

    Posted on October 9th, 2008

    Written by Judy

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    Hospice Hell for Patients

    Dear Judy,
    I know you’re always going on and on about how wonderful hospices are, but the one where I work isn’t. I’m not a nurse or a doctor. I do the grunt work. I make beds, and move patients to make them more comfortable, carry in breakfast trays, and carry out stuff I won’t mention.
    The [...]

  • Advice

    Posted on August 7th, 2008

    Written by Judy

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    My Horrible Brother

    Dear Judy,
    My 78-year-old mother long ago did what I notice you always suggest to your online readers: she wrote an Advance Medical Directive, which gave detailed end-of-life instructions in the event she became terminally ill and incapacitated.
    Well that is what she is now — incapacitated and dying. Thyroid cancer and congestive heart failure. You name it, she has [...]

  • Advice

    Posted on June 9th, 2008

    Written by Judy

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    What Are the Limits of Hospice Care?

    Dear Judy,
    My mother is dying slowly. She has congestive heart failure, which happens these days on a weekly basis — and each time, a bit more of her brain dies. She is at home now with a full-time care-giver.
    I am tempted to use hospice care — but does that mean she cannot be taken [...]

  • Advice

    Posted on May 21st, 2008

    Written by Judy

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    my father’s no longer talking to me

    Dear Judy,
        My father, who is 81, has congestive heart failure and is quite weak. His doctors (there are three of them!) tell me he isn’t going to be with us long, and I am devastated. Even worse –most of his life he was an exceptionally healthy guy: smart, funny, energetic and very loving. We had [...]