How Was I To Know?
Dear Judy,
My mother had breast cancer some two years ago, and from what I was told, especially by her, everything bad was stopped in its tracks. I happen to live in Sacramento. She lives on the East Coast. We speak about twice a week, and we see each other on big holidays and nice occasions like Thanksgiving and Christmas and our birthdays.
Three days ago I got a phone call from my uncle (my mother’s brother), not my favorite person in the world, and he tells me the cancer has metastasized, my mother’s condition is terminal and adds how awful I am as a person since I haven’t visited her lately. And how she’s suffering. I am still in shock. I knew nothing. No one told me.
What do I do? I am positive my mother decided to keep everything from me until the end. I am furious at my uncle and at myself. I am completely flabbergasted and horrified and guilt-ridden. How was I to know? I can’t seem to sort anything out right now.
Lowell in Sacramento
Dear Lowell,
What do you mean, what-do-I-do? You fly out to the East Coast. You visit your mother. You find out what’s what. In the event your uncle is not exaggerating the severity of her condition, you take care of mother’s needs. You talk with her and, on visits with her to medical personnel, consult also with her doctors.
And while you’re at it, I’d make peace with that uncle — however difficult the task. It sounds, from what you tell me, as though he lives closer to her than you do. If indeed your mother is terminally ill, his help could prove invaluable.
Thank you for writing,
Judy
