Dear Judy,
My older sister is 50; until a year ago, she was in great health. Then she got a malignant brain tumor, and we all know she’s dying. Well everyone but my sister, who insists she can be cured.
She’s tried everything: juice fasts, herbal diets, macrobiotic diets. She even got hold of a voodoo practitioner (I have no idea how) — and all this has cost her huge amounts of cash. And done her no good.
How can we — by which I mean the rest of our family, including her husband, who’s very devoted but also driven nuts by all this — persuade her to stop.
Lilli in NYC
Dear Lilli,
Your sister will stop, but most likely only when her energy and will to live does.
I am sorry to put it so bluntly, but if her husband can’t put an end to these desperate measures, I have small hope for you or anyone else in her family. My advice? Say nothing more on the subject. I’m sure you’ve already given her your opinion, and so most likely has everyone else.
And I know you’ll be there for her, when everything else fails.
Thank you for writing
Judy
Entire billion dollar industries are based on people deluding themselves. Macrobiotics makes a lot more sense than anti-cellulite cream. Unless you or her husband objected to every other useless thing she ever bought (let’s start with how many shoes a person actually needs or wears), you have no moral right to say a word. Sensible consumerism does not start when a person is dying.
What does you sister lose by trying? I won’t go into details but one of the supposedly “crazy” things my late husband insisted on trying when he was very sick with cancer may well explain why he outlived his prognosis.
She is buying hope. That is completely justifiable — or at least as justifiable as paying for anything else.
Isn’t there a counselor in New York City to whom she might be referred who could provide perspective? Someone outside the family who could help the sister come to terms with her situation, and/or provide advice about the next option she wants to try? It may not stop her reaching for life rafts, but it myay at least provide a preson to listen and provide thoughtful advice.
Lawrence
Isn’t there a counselor in New York City to whom she might be referred who could provide perspective? Someone outside the family who could help the sister come to terms with her situation, and/or provide advice about the next option she wants to try? It may not stop her from reaching for life rafts, but it might provide a sympathetic listener capable of dispensing sound advice.
Lawrence
Lawrence, if she wanted perspective, she would speak to her doctor, google her condition, whatever. She wants hope, not a different angle on her situation. Plus, what do you mean ‘refer’? This woman is an adult and does what she wants. She is sick, not stupid. She deserves respect, not babying.