Our Mother is Abandoning Us, Now that a Friend Has Stomach Cancer
Dear Judy,
My sister and I are 14 and 12. (I am 12). My mother’s best friend has stomach cancer. Would you say it’s weird for my mother to spend every day practically with her friend, and stop spending time with us and stop watching movies with us? Sometimes she even doesn’t cook dinner any more. She comes home late (8 pm) and just pushes some ready-made junk on the table. One time it was 3 Big Macs, Cokes and a lot of apple pies.
If you say it’s weird, which is what both my sister and I think, we’ll show your reply to our mother.
Tara
Dear Tara,
I think your mother is very unhappy about her friend’s condition. Her friend is dying and that clearly has made her distracted and forgetful about other important people in her life. Namely — you and your sister.
You don’t mention a father. Maybe your father isn’t around. If he is around, however, don’t you think it would be smart to ask him to help out? Also, both you and your sister could learn how to cook healthy, delicious dishes for yourselves. This is as good a time as ever to start. And it’s a skill you, and everyone who knows you, will value when you grow up.
Now as to your mother. Please tell her I said she must start paying more attention to you both. However much the pain of her good friend’s illness is affecting her, she can’t let that get in the way of her relationship with her children. Do show this reply to her.
Write again please, and tell me how things are going.
Judy
December 2nd, 2008 at 7:35 am
Just how often doesn’t that mother cook dinner? We aren’t given enough info. Sounds like these girls want a mom at their beck and call, They’re old enough to learn about friendship and caring, and making Big Mac sacrifices every once in a while..
December 2nd, 2008 at 7:36 am
No good answer here. It all depends on how long this has been going on.
December 2nd, 2008 at 7:38 am
Only a century ago young women this age cared for their own children! These girls can boil a few eggs and clean up the house.
December 2nd, 2008 at 7:42 am
Tara, your mother is in a very bad place. Her best friend is dying and she is already grieving. You and your sister should help out: make her a cup of tea when she comes home, tidy up. Stop whining. You’ll like yourself better.
December 2nd, 2008 at 7:46 am
Ask your mother to cook large portions and freeze the excess. Rent videos.
December 2nd, 2008 at 12:18 pm
I think your suggestion the sisters learn how to make some dishes, and prepare them for their Mother, is excellent. They are old enough. Plus — their Mother will appreciate their consideration–and probably recognize she needs to do more with and for them.
Geoff