Sick to Death of Approaching Death
Dear Judy,
At the risk of sounding completely selfish, I can’t stand it any more. Everyone around me seems to be dying, and I just don’t want to deal with it (or them) any more.
In case you think I’m exaggerating or just crazy, it’s pretty much literally true: my mother-in-law who has Alzheimers has just months to live, we’re told. A really cherished roommate from my college years is likely to die within a year. And a former boss whom I respect and to whom I owe a lot is also seriously ill with stomach cancer. He’s only 48.
Judy, I can’t stand the smells and sight of sickness any more. I’ve had it. I see my mother-in-law pretty regularly, and I’m there for my good friend, as well as my former boss. But frankly, I’d like to run away — and never come back. I’m totally exhausted, depressed, and near physical collapse.
But how can I avoid these visits? It seems cruel to stop any of them now, while these people are so needy. At the same time – How can I save myself? I’m so exhausted, I can barely move. Please help. I’m really desperate.
Amy in Maryland
Dear Amy,
Take a deep breath. Now. In fact take several deep breaths. Then close your eyes and empty your mind for a few minutes. After that, start thinking — not about death or dying or illness — but about who can help you out here.
Perhaps, for example, your husband, and other relatives, might tend to his own ailing mother in the months ahead, freeing you up for other activities. Maybe you might contact some old friends from your college years to visit your sick former roommate. Then try emailing a few people who know and like your ex-boss; I’m sure he will benefit from their visits.
In other words, right now you’re of limited use to anyone. And you’re not being kind to yourself. You need a vacation from death. So make your plans — and take it.
Thank you for writing
Judy
July 2nd, 2008 at 5:21 pm
Terrific advice - most thoughtful.