Cirrhosis & The Stepfather from Hell
Dear Judy,
Our mother is dying of cirrhosis of the liver, and my guess is (and the doctor’s) — she has maybe four or five months left. She looks distended, obviously. She’s pretty lethargic, but when she’s awake, I think she understands most of what we say.
My problem is our stepfather. He’s not a bad man. He stands to inherit a lot of our mother’s estate, and we don’t begrudge him the money. There’s enough to go around.
But he doesn’t go along with a lot of our mother’s favorite causes: she always gave generously to animal rights organizations, and groups that tried to end the exploitation of child labor and prison labor. While Mom was healthy, he played along never investing in cosmetic or drug companies that experimented on animals, for instance.
Now all that has changed. I know because he told both me and my sister what he’s up to financially. Which, aside from everything else, is in really poor taste. Also, he says, when our mother dies, he’ll be investing a lot of her money in places like China and Thailand. Which are not exactly big on child labor laws or animal rights.
So what should I do? Tell my sick mother? Go to an attorney and have him lean on our stepfather? Talk to our stepfather (I don’t think it will do a bit of good…)
Tina in New Hampshire
Dear Tina,
I think you wrote one sentence that is at the root of your problem: “When our mother dies, he’ll be investing even more of her money…”
Actually, when your mother dies, a fair portion of the money, as you yourself acknowledged, will be your stepfather’s, to do with as he wishes. I realize that what he wishes doesn’t make you happy. And I also know it wasn’t exactly considerate on his part, especially while your mother is dying, to boast about the nature of his future investments.
My guess is the man has a lot of anger in him, and a good portion of it is directed at your mother. She is one of 28,000 people a year in this country who die of cirrhosis; in general it’s caused by heavy drinking. So perhaps that’s what’s at the root of his misdirected rage.
But unless there’s some stipulation in your mother’s will about the uses the inheritance will be put to, your stepfather is within his rights to invest as he sees fit. And I can’t imagine bothering a dying woman with your objections — however righteous you believe them to be.
Thank you for writing,
Judy
