Stress and Funerals
A reader writes me, “Do you feel the stress of going through a funeral of a loved one is less if that funeral is less traditional and fits the personality of the deceased?”
Well next to shotgun weddings — in fact right up there with all kinds of weddings — there’s generally nothing more damaging to the psyche or as costly than the last-minute funeral. The only difference being, of course, that the guest of honor at a funeral doesn’t have to suffer the high-priced indignities awaiting a bride. But everybody else involved in the funeral planning sure as hell does.
How to get around the millions of funeral disasters in store for the unwary? For help, I asked Jane Hillhouse, the California-based founder and owner of Colorful Coffins and ECoffins.
“I think what’s important is to honor the wishes of the person who died,” Hillhouse says. “If they didn’t wish to be embalmed, for instance, then they shouldn’t be — embalming is not a legal requirement in most of the country.”
But what about the person who left no funeral instructions? How do we create a tasteful ceremony?
That’s a more difficult issue, says Hillhouse. But families and friends can at least try to make a funeral somehow less…depressing. And low cost.
“If there’s space, a home funeral is a very appropriate way of saying goodbye,” she says. “Family members can volunteer to take care of the body, washing it and dressing it. The planning for a home funeral — the music, the flowers, the candles — actually helps people in the grieving process.
“Other families make their own coffins for the deceased — which makes the parting somehow gentler and easier to process.”
No one is saying if you follow all these instructions, you’ll have tons of fun at your next funeral. But at least it can be more decorous and touching than the ones you’ve previously attended.
